Standard Hollywood fare from a standard, untalented director. Oh well, it was an advanced screening. And free. Once you see product placement (McDonald's, Macy's, Circuit City, Apple, the list is long for this baby), then you know where this one's headed: the dumpster truck. But hey, if you jump into the dumpster, you'll get a "ride," you know, you're on a moving vehicle. What a thrill. Yes, moving vehicles. I must have witnessed forty car-crashes, lots of explosions, and a lot of other silly things before establishing that the budget was gigantos: wasted money robbed from a better cause, like cleaning up city streets and feeding starving people in third world countries. Speaking of multitude: Hey guys! What's better than one Shia LaBeouf? How about two! Well, at least his character had a bit of dimension, while his co-partner, and about everyone else, could have been replaced by talking poster board. The film is full of cheats, gimmicks, and LeBeouf corniness to satisfy the standard audience (yes I heard some clapping, I was about to insert sharp objects into my ears at that point). No thanks Mr. Caruso, I saw through your placid, boring sentimentalism (can I even call it that?), and just because someone can cry on cue doesn't mean I have to give a shit.
This is some leaked conversation from the development team eight months ago, thanks to my superior surveillance technology that always, for some apparent reason, has a frequency and/or is hooked to the internet:
"Sir, I've got a great idea. Let's have the mother--"
"Before you give me a suggestion for this script, you must excuse yourself to the bathroom, make sure no one is around, and ask yourself, in a high-pitch-yelling-voice: 'DOES IT SEEM RIDICULOUS ENOUGH?'"